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Tag Archives: Wal-Mart

How To Shoplift The Right Way

Written by Joy Procida


You ever find yourself in a situation where you did something wrong, but you didn’t mean to do it?  Read the rest of this entry


Chick-fil-A, Ezekiel 4-9, and Boobs, Oh My!

Written by Joy Procida

Part 1:

So, the topic of where to eat lunch comes up – this is something that comes up a lot as I’m ALWAYS hungry and sometimes I’m so bad that I start to get like a 6-year-old: “I’m hungry,” five minutes later, “I’m hungry” – okay, you get the picture, right? Good, on with the story then…… In the midst of our decision of where to go for lunch, Cassandra, our driver and good friend, says she has a Chipolte gift card…….thinking that would be a no brainer since we have been frequenting Chipolte for the past five weeks now because of changes in our dietary habits. Jill and I thought about it for a second and I say, “let’s go to Chick-fil-A.” Well, we “needed” a change after nothing but chicken, fish, veggies, and fruits for the past five weeks! C’mon, give me some good ole’ non-organic, preservative-containing, fast food that is a touch on the healthy side. All are in agreement and we proceed to our destination for lunch, which by the way, we ended up having a chicken salad…… much for a change!

But before heading over to Chick-fil-A, we thought it best to stop by Wal-Mart and check the car in for an oil change because it should have been done a thousand miles ago and then we would walk over to Chick-fil-A. Excellent idea!!! We start our trek over to the new Chick-fil-A and Jill tries to get us run over by heading out onto the main road too soon! So, when we got MUCH closer to where we needed to cross the main road, I have this great idea of hopping into our stealth Dodge Grand Caravan to help make it a little safer, of course. Okay, picture this: Cassandra is in the driver’s seat driving, Jill is in the front passenger seat, and I’m in the back behind the driver’s seat – all where we usually sit – walking (two of us rolling) on the road in our stealth car (see stick figure sketch) arriving in one piece at Chick-fil-A! By the way, I should add that Chick-fil-A is still pretty good!

Part 2:

Whew! Got the Wal-Mart thing done and car all cleansed of its impurities, but we need to stop and pick up some Ezekiel 4-9 bread at Giant Eagle as we didn’t find any at Wal-Mart. For all of you who do not know what Ezekiel 4-9 bread is, it’s flour-less bread made with bean sprouts. YUMMY! Okay, it’s really not that bad. So, moving on…. As we pull into the Giant Eagle parking lot, Cassandra says, “Am I just going in for bread or are we all going in?” Well, I’m right on that quite quickly with a rather adamant “No, you just go!” This does not deter Jill from thinking (which she does too much of, by the way) that maybe somebody needs to go into the store with Cassandra just in case there are problems with using the bank card when checking out. This discussion goes on for a good 5 minutes at least. And the conclusion is: “Joy, you go in.” Okay, for those of you who do not know me well enough, I loath grocery shopping, so I’m thinking to myself at this point: “You mean to tell me I have to get out and go in just for a loaf of bread!” Oh wait, it gets better…. After Cassandra unhooks all my tie downs and I’m free to go, Cassandra so kindly points out that it doesn’t make a difference if I go or we all go or not because the bank card is not in either of our names (Jill or Joy), it’s in our mom’s name! UGH!!! I wasn’t going in for just 1 loaf of bread, so I came out with 3 loaves of bread and 1 package of English muffins!!! Jill says, “You spent $29 on bread!!” I said, “No, I spent $17.99 on bread.” 🙂 At which point Cassandra makes the comment about Jill’s cataracts and not seeing very well. Both Cassandra and I are trying to figure out where she came up with $29 when she looked right at the receipt and it said $17.99!!!

Part 3:

On our way out of the Giant Eagle plaza, we pass Target. I don’t know if it is just us, but we seem to find strange things to talk about and then just go with it! Makes life fun and more interesting that way. Just as we approached the main entrance to Target, there was a female in the crosswalk to cross and as she crossed in front of the van, Cassandra says, “Maybe she needs a bra?” Then I added, “Wow, she’s pretty big, I don’t know how you can keep them from shaking even with a bra.” However, sometimes Jill just amazes me as she quickly adds, “I wonder how much they weigh? 10 pounds? No, I bet 20 pounds!” Cassandra says, “for both?” Jill says, “no, for one, but I don’t know what the going rate is.”

After all that, we did finally make it back home! Not a lot happening today, but it’s the little things in life and what you make out of them that sometimes are the most enjoyable and memorable.


P.S. Special thanks to my editor and good friend, Johnny, an English major with an engineering degree.